O’Brien family recognized for kindness in the face of pain
By Ed Nadolski
Editor in Chief
It was just days – mere hours, really – that transported Kevin and Cyndi O’Brien from their charmed life as parents of a loveable 16-year-old lug of a boy to shell-shocked, tear-streaked mourners at a funeral.
During that handful of days in June 2005 – days that passed in a fog-shrouded newsreel of an out-of-body experience – the O’Briens’ son, Joey, succumbed to a wallop of chemotherapy mixed so powerfully so as to match the intensity of the leukemia that staged a Pearl Harbor-style attack on his previously robust body.
On June 17, 2005, Joey – his body surging with toxic chemicals – told his parents he had no strength left to fight the cancer. He died a short time later.
Where just days earlier the Burlington High School sophomore golf team member and his buddies sat around the family’s backyard deck discussing their pending summer plans, there was now a void of unfathomable magnitude.
The grief was crushing.
Figuring out how to take the next breath, much less how to live the rest of their lives was nearly impossible, Cyndi O’Brien admits.
But there were Joey’s sisters – Cara and Lacee – to look after. And then there were all those well-meaning people streaming into the house to deliver food and sincere hugs.
Hiding was not an option.
“I had never lost a child before,” Cyndi O’Brien said, “but my children had never lost a sibling – and I didn’t know how to help them through that.”
She said her daughters’ natural resolve to carry on with their lives inspired her and Kevin to do the same.
“That was what made me be stronger because I had to make sure they kept going on,” Cyndi said, of her daughters.
Kevin and Cyndi realized their future would hinge on family, friends and the community they call home.
Grief into goodness
In the months that followed, the O’Briens channeled their grief into the creation of the Joey O’Brien Foundation with a mission of curing childhood cancer and assisting students whose lives have been affected by cancer.
Since then, the foundation has raised more than $500,000, with $375,000 going to pediatric cancer research at Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin and $175,000 to scholarships for students from Burlington and Catholic Central high schools.
In recognition of their efforts, the O’Briens, who also own and operate Burlington Flowers and Interiors, were honored Monday with the Burlington Rotary Club’s Humanitarian Award. The award and a $1,000 donation to the foundation were presented to the family during a ceremony at Veterans Terrace.
“The greatest gift we were given is what they’ve done with their grief and (how they) turned it around for this community,” said Dan Creek, a former O’Brien Foundation board member. “It has been incredible for this community – way more than just for scholarships or gifts to Children’s (Hospital).
“It has been an inspiration for Burlington.”
Golfing for good
The fundraising engine for the foundation is the annual Joey O’Brien Memorial Golf Outing held the first Saturday in June at Browns Lake Golf Course.
The event, according to Kevin O’Brien, revives the memory of his late son and creates lasting good in his honor.
“After Joe passed away we wanted to carry on his legacy in his name – because he was as young as he was and (because) he was a good person; a really good person,” Kevin said. “We thought that the best way to celebrate Joey was to have a golf outing where we could raise funds to help kids both locally and at Children’s Hospital.”
Foundation board member Jeanne Otter said the golf outing creates a ripple of goodwill throughout the community that is a tribute to the O’Brien family.
“For them to take a tragedy like that and turn it into something positive like that – and bring all their family and friends together – is something that never crossed my mind not to be part of; to do whatever they wanted me to do,” she said.
A legacy of caring
Among the Joey O’Brien Courage Scholarship recipients is Eric Lunderskov, a childhood cancer survivor and Burlington High School graduate who used the money to study to eventually become a pediatric oncology nurse at Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin. The recently married Lunderskov now works at American Family Children’s Hospital in Madison.
Tracy Roberts, also a longtime member of the O’Brien Foundation board, related a story that Lunderskov tells regarding his work with cancer-stricken children.
“The little kids will say to him, ‘You don’t know what it’s like,’ and he says, ‘Yes I do, because 15 years ago I was you lying in that bed,’” Roberts recalled.
It’s that circle of kindness and care that the O’Briens envisioned when creating the scholarship fund.
“It’s all about the kids because that’s what Joey was, a kid,” Kevin said.
Paying it forward
The scope of those good works grew again this past fall with a very personal connection for the O’Brien family.
Years ago the foundation paid for a bone marrow registry drive that coincided with the local Kiwanis Club’s annual pancake breakfast. Attendees had the option of providing a swab of cheek tissue that is placed in the national registry in hopes of providing a match for a person in need of a bone marrow transplant.
The O’Briens learned last year that one of the people who provided a swab during the pancake breakfast had emerged as a match for a young woman who needed a transplant. The match turned out to be Kevin and Cyndi’s youngest daughter, Lacee, 24.
Kevin said Lacee happily and courageously went through the extensive preparation needed for the bone marrow donation, which was extracted from her during a daylong process last fall.
And although the O’Briens don’t get to know the identity of the recipient, they were happy to learn she was discharged from the hospital following her transplant in time to spend Christmas with her family.
With the foundation now in its second decade of existence, Kevin said he is determined to push the funds raised past the $1 million mark.
The credit for the foundation’s success thus far, he said, belongs to the community that supports the golf outing.
Cyndi said the connection with the community has been key to the family overcoming its personal loss.
“I wish I never had to be in this club…and I don’t want anyone else to join us,” she said, as tears trickled down her cheek, “but if it wasn’t for the community we wouldn’t have been able to raise half a million dollars.”
Kevin agreed. “Your kindness has been overwhelming,” he said.
The following video was produced by WIN Media of Burlington on behalf of the Burlington Rotary Club:
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