There’s an old adage that says only death and taxes are certain in this life.
Well, that wise person forgot to mention another certainty that’s sold as doing a good thing for your country but can end up being a complete waste of time.
That’s right, my fellow Racine County neighbors, I’m talking about jury duty – two dreaded, four-letter words that conjure up images of waiting around for hours, missing work and potentially sitting in on a threatening, mysterious murder case.
OK, at least that’s what I immediately thought of a couple months back when I received a suspicious envelope in the mail from the Racine County Circuit Court.
Inside, there was a questionnaire, my pool number and specific instructions I needed to follow to check in.
A stubborn procrastinator, I dismissed the mail because the deadline to send my questionnaire wasn’t for a couple weeks.
So I waited until a couple days before the deadline, and I paid for it. It was the weekend before my scheduled jury duty week, and I panicked and called the jury coordinator.
Of course, he stated he didn’t receive my questionnaire on time and decided I had to reschedule. I was hoping in the back of my mind that my incompetence would lead me out of this predicament completely, but that wasn’t the case.
Jury duty is a big deal, and it seems like everyone has to do it.
We rescheduled for the end of March. On Sunday night after 6 p.m., I called a recording to see if my pool number was called. Number 13, that couldn’t be good.
I wasn’t summoned for Monday, but I had to call back Monday night to see if Tuesday would be the fateful day.
And why wouldn’t Tuesday be the day I was picked? It was only deadline for the Burlington Standard Press, Waterford Post and Westine Report, so naturally I had all the time in the world to sit in a courtroom for eight hours while I should be writing.
Of course, my number was called, so I had to show up Tuesday in Racine at 12:45 p.m. and face the unenviable reality that I could be picked for a jury and not get home until 9 or 10 p.m.
That would leave me a good five hours past deadline with nothing written, no pages laid out and in serious trouble.
The 45-minute drive to the Racine County Courthouse went smoothly, minus the final 10 or 15 minutes coasting through the zoo known as downtown Racine.
I was issued a parking pass for street parking, but I could only park in a 4-hour stall. A stranger to the area, I made a couple trips around the block before finally parking.
I hopped on the elevator and headed to the eighth floor of the large, historic-looking building. It stands only a few blocks from beautiful Lake Michigan, which was nice and blue and provided a beautiful view.
After checking in and signing my life away, I sat in a room with about 55-60 people crammed in a space the size of a classroom.
Of the 200,000 or so residents of the county, less than 400 people were in this particular jury pool. One of them happened to be one of my old gym teachers from Burlington High School.
After initially feeling very nervous about missing work and wasting away my day in court, we were somewhat reassured with a promotional video.
The 20-minute film stressed that we’re doing this for our country, and it is our right as U.S. citizens. Judges, doctors, lawyers, attorneys … it doesn’t matter which profession, you must take part in jury duty.
Though I feared I would be stuck in Racine all night, I looked forward to listening to an interesting case and seeing how the justice system actually worked. Movies and television shows make it seem like a life-changing event, and I was leaning toward actually wanting to be selected for a trial.
But that’s when reality struck. The jury coordinator warned us that it could be awhile before we all left for the courtroom across the street. He wasn’t kidding.
I had time to go to my car and check if I locked the doors (I was in Racine), text my wife a picture of beautiful view, read several things on my smart phone and even go to the bathroom.
Any day now. Let’s get across the street so my fate can be determined.
Will it be a murder trial? Maybe a sinister assault? Or even a high-profile white-collar crime? Heck, at least give me a lawsuit involving millions of dollars.
The jury coordinator returned to the room an hour after the video finished, an hour and a half after I got there, and informed us that a jury wasn’t needed. We were all free to go home.
It was only 2:30 p.m., and I had my entire day ahead of me to work. I wasn’t going to miss deadline. A crisis was averted.
I’m not out of the woods, yet. I still have to call Wednesday and Thursday night to see if my number was called.
My call Tuesday night was successful. I’m off the hook for Wednesday.
Overall, jury duty was anti-climactic to say the least.
Just when you get your hopes up to make a difference in the world and learn the ins and outs of the justice system, you’re told you’re not needed and you must leave.
I played hooky from work for a couple hours and made a Rocky Rococo and Best Buy run on my way home.
So much for the glitz and glamour of helping shape the trial of the century.
Jury duty is just two more four-letter words.
Very funny, America.
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