WARNING: This is a semi-serious, entertaining look at this week’s high school football games, fully equipped with playful banter, attempts at analysis and old-fashioned tomfoolery.
The fact that nobody has played yet poses a serious threat to my predicting ability.
So lay back, put your funny hats on, and away we go.
Mike Ramczyk’s complete predictions column, with a much more serious tone, will return next week, after we see what these teams can do.
Get your popcorn and a cold beverage ready, it’s time to let loose:
Week 1
(all games Friday at 7 p.m.)
Burlington at Racine Case
Let’s face it, Case is a basketball school. The Eagles went 3-6 last season, but one of those was a 44-34 victory at Burlington.
The Demons are much more prepared in coach Steve Tenhagen’s system than at the same time last season.
Burlington is much more adept at stopping the run, something Case exploited last season.
Year 2 of the Steve Tenhagen Era starts out right.
PREDICTION: Burlington 21, Racine Case 15
Waterford at West Allis Hale
The Wolverines start a new quarterback, Sam Allen, who moved over from receiver.
The offensive line is inexperienced, but the running backs and defense are strong as usual.
Hale was only 4-5 last season, but plays in the tough Greater Metro Conference.
Waterford is considered a favorite in the Southern Lakes Conference this season, but it’s asking a lot of a brand new signal-caller to win in his first varsity game.
Waterford will make the playoffs and contend for the SLC title like usual, but this first game could be a trap.
PREDICTION: West Allis Hale 24, Waterford 21
Milwaukee Madison at Union Grove
Madison comes from the historically weak City Conference, and Union Grove will be loads bigger in size and strength.
New coach Craig McClelland, a former Bronco star and current Racine Raiders standout quarterback, will probably have quarterback Matt Nelson chucking it all over the field.
Nelson is a future star, and the Broncos (3-6, two wins better than ’13) may be a team on the rise.
Go with the muscle in this one.
PREDICTION: Union Grove 30, Milwaukee Madison 10
Whitewater at Catholic Central
I’m pretty confident 2015 is the year of Cole Kresken.
The 6-foot, 200-pound super-talent ran for over 1,000 yards last year as a junior for the Toppers, but this year he should get more of a workload.
Kresken runs the defense as well from the linebacker/safety position.
Whitewater has a new coach and isn’t necessarily a strong football program.
Expect the senior Kresken, who scored six touchdowns in one game last season, to go off in the home opener.
May the Lord be with the Whippets.
PREDICTION: Catholic Central 40, Whitewater 18
East Troy at Delavan-Darien
You can throw the defense out the window when these two get together.
The Comets won, 48-10, in ’14 and 70-52 in one of the highest-scoring games in state history in ’13.
Delavan possesses one of the most explosive offenses in the area with Fabias Shipman, Jake Benzing and Ethan Cesarz.
Expect a massacre of epic proportions.
PREDICTIONS: Delavan-Darien 55, East Troy 20
Kenosha Bradford at Wilmot
Well, will you look what we have here. It’s former Wilmot head coach Mike Greinke’s return to Frank Bucci Field, the place where he led the 2013 Panthers to a conference title and a first-round playoff exit.
The departure was unceremonious at best, as Greinke soon thereafter joined county rival Bradford, a much larger, more successful program.
Bad blood still exists, and now Greinke is the defensive coordinator for the Red Devils.
Bradford won the 2011 Division 1 state championship, boasts famous alumni like Melvin Gordon and Trae Waynes, and will be too much for Wilmot.
PREDICTION: Kenosha Bradford 27, Wilmot 18
Kenosha Tremper at Lake Geneva Badger
For the first time, the Badgers will play two Division 1 Kenosha teams, Tremper and Bradford, in nonconference action.
Badger is most likely more physical and bigger on the offensive line.
Badger boasts the return of quarterback Isaac Ziervogel, a talented passer and runner, and several returning running backs.
After a down year in ’14 that still yielded a playoff berth, expect Badger to contend for another SLC title this fall.
PREDICTION: Lake Geneva Badger 20, Kenosha Tremper 15
Waukesha North at Elkhorn
The first Division 3 school to win the SLC since 2010, Elkhorn is on the rise.
Coach Tom Lee’s bunch features an enormous, Wisconsin Badgers-like offensive line and the return of quarterback Dylan Peterson.
Running backs Konnor Mohr and Jordan Barr are also back to wreak havoc.
Lee said the team is no longer satisfied with making the playoffs, they want to win playoff games.
Waukesha North is coming off a 2-7 campaign in the Classic Eight, the best conference in the state.
PREDICTION: Elkhorn 14, Waukesha North 9
Big Foot at Westosha Central
It really doesn’t matter who is on the team, how good they are or how old they are.
The Big Foot Chiefs know football, and the Falcons have been their whipping post year in and year out.
Though the Falcons are improving and return some key talent, Big Foot should roll to victory.
Sure, the Chiefs feature some new faces and inexperience, but Central isn’t quite ready to knock off a football powerhouse yet.
One day, Central will beat the Chiefs, but not Friday.
PREDICTION: Big Foot 23, Westosha Central 13